Thursday, March 4, 2010

Mixed Emotions

Tonight I write with a heavy heart and very conflicting emotions. I got a phone call from a friend tonight. I'll call her Shelly. Well, Shelly and I have been friends since elementary school. We don't see each other that often but we still stay in touch. Shelly told me today she's pregnant.I'm happy for her but also part of me is very very sad. I am sad because my hubby and I don't have any kids of our own. We want kids but things haven't been working out for us. I didn't want to upset Shelly while I was talking to her but as soon as I got of the phone I started bawling. Is it wrong for me to be happy for her but sad at the same time? I know that God is in Control and that everything works out for a reason but still sometimes it's so hard. Especially when it seems like you are the only one who's childless. I'm so thankfully that God hears the cry's of my heart and quiets my soul as only He can.

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At March 4, 2010 at 11:29 PM , Anonymous Joanna said...

Of course I have no words to express how sorry I am of your situation. There is nothing wrong with having those feelings either! It's hard for me to relate, so I'm sorry that I don't have more to say. From what little time I've known you, I already know that you are a wonderful person and I'm happy to have you in our little family.
:) God Bless

At March 5, 2010 at 5:31 PM , Blogger Nola @ the Alamo said...

No it's not wrong, it's an honest feeling. I was never able to have children, so I know how you feel. You friend probably is just so excited she didn't realize it was something that would bring you sad feelings. Nobody means to be cruel, but they don't understand what it feels like. Hang in there, have faith!

At March 5, 2010 at 6:01 PM , Blogger Sandra said...

It's human and female to have those feelings; it's what you do with them that shows your mettle. You're not the only childless wife, there are many of us.
Thanks for visiting Thistle Cove Farm, it led me here...but I think I'm commenting on the "wrong" post...or am I? Only God knows -smile-.

At March 7, 2010 at 6:49 PM , Blogger TOSHeidi said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, leaving a comment, and following me. I'm going to follow you too.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I've "been there, done that" and it's not fun. It's normal to have the feelings that you're having though. While you're happy for your friend, you're sad for you.

We chose adoption after secondary infertility. It was a wonderful option for us.

At March 8, 2010 at 11:06 PM , Blogger Paula said...

I was sorry to read your post. And I felt your hurt. I didn't get married until I was 36 and got pregnant only once at 39. Miscarried and couldn't get pregnant again.

We adopted and now have a wonderful 12 year old boy. I thought it would be so important to have a child that came from me but I could not love my son anymore than if he were physically mine.

Adoption is not for everyone, but know that families are made in different ways. You have many options, so don't give up on yourself and don't beat yourself up for having emotions. That's what makes women so great at being mommies. I know from many experiences in my life that God's timing is not my timing, and I am learning to sit quietly and hear what he's saying and search for what he is teaching me through the timing.

Take care.

At March 24, 2010 at 1:30 PM , Blogger Lauren said...

Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my blog today! : ) I have been looking around yours and found this post. I know exactly how you feel, and NO it's not wrong. I've been dealing with infertility for almost 5 years. God has brought me incredible healing through the journey, but there are still times that I break down when I hear those announcements from other people. I'll be praying for you and God's will for your family! :)



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