Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Pour My Heart Out Wednesday:Feeling like the odd girl out

For those of you who don't know, I have been strongly discouraged from having children due to serious (even life threatening) medical conditions. Even thought I would love to have a child of my own. I've always wanted a little boy-just like his daddy. Okay so adoption right? Well after long serious talks my husband and I have decided (at least for now) that adoption isn't for us. I am still job hunting and in the present state of the economy we don't think it would be fair to adopt a child without being able to properly care for him/her. 

 Well, last time I was at my sister in laws she said something that really bothered me. We we're talking about having kids. She told me that I will get to the point where all I think about is having a baby and that I  will do anything to have one. Having a child makes you complete and whole she said.  I was speechless when she told me this. I mean she did struggle many years with infertility and finally had my beautiful niece KK. But really?! do anything to have one? And it'll complete me?

Her comment upset me. I continued playing with my niece but when I got home I cried my eyes out,  I feel out of place. In social circles I am often left out of conversations merely because I don't have any kids. I have even gotten to the point where I don't go to a lot of social functions because I would be the only one there without kids. Thankfully I have a couple of wonderful friends who have been on a similar journey with pregnancy and make sure and include me in a lot of things and make me feel welcome. 

Then there is the church. They talk about about a woman's purpose  is to raise a family. So if I am unable to do these things, does that mean I am incomplete and not whole? Yes I do want to have a child but is it worth possibly giving my life for? Does this mean I am less of a woman? Less off a child of God?

Would what my sister in law said bother you? Do you think a women has to have a child to be complete and whole?


At August 10, 2011 at 12:10 PM , Blogger Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Carol, I'm really sorry she would say something like that. Besides, in my Bible, a person is whole whether they are married, single, a parent - doesn't matter.
My wife and I don't have kids, and it was a mutual agreement. We're past the years for kids now (at least in my book) and my wife says she has no regrets. Yes, most of our friends have kids, but I no longer feel left out. Besides, when they start complaining about their troubled teens and how much they cost, I just smile!

At August 10, 2011 at 12:33 PM , Blogger jessica climie said...


I am sorry to hear that your sister-in-law would say something like that to you knowing all that you have been dealing with. I personally think that it doesn't matter if you have kids or not, but the type of person you are is what makes you whole. After all you could have kids and be a horrible person to everyone around and that would make you less of a person. I have known you for most of my life and you have always been one of kindest people I have ever met. I think that you would make a great parent if you ever had a child or adopted, but always remember that you are a whole person because of the type of person you are.

At August 10, 2011 at 2:42 PM , Blogger Beth Zimmerman said...

It would have hurt because I am sensitive. But is she right? No ... God is the only *thing* that can make you complete! If she has elevated her child to that position ... she has a problem.

That said ... the pain of infertility is VERY real and there will be days when it hurts like the dickens!

About adoption ... I understand your stance BUT there are so many precious children who are already in this world with no one to love them. It's not like you would be bringing a new child into the world. This child is already here. What do you think there possibly is that you would be denying that child by adopting him/her? They aren't asking for the most current gadgets or the most expensive education. They just want someone to love them unconditionally and a place to call home!



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